Weight

Currently, I weigh a healthy 130 to 135 pounds and you'd think I'd be happy with the way my body is, but the truth is, I'm not. I have some big self-esteem problems and I hate that I do, because I'm not overweight. But, in my mind, I feel like I am.


Growing up I never weighed over 115 pounds. I worse a size three jeans and didn't have an ounce of fat on my body. However, this was probably due to the fact that I played soccer for almost ten years and had practice for two to three hours a day. So, in reality, I probably burned off every calorie I ate that day during practice.


Since I got married and moved to Alaska, I've gained twenty pounds, wear a size seven, and my boobs are now up to a size D. Actually, I'm a lot healthier now and I have curves. But still, at the back of my mind, I think I'm overweight. Every little stretch mark, every little piece of cellulite sticks out to me and I cannot get past it. I think it's ugly and well, you can't really do anything to eliminate them. They can be diminished, but they'll never totally go away.


I blame society for my self-esteem issues. If society wasn't so freaking obsessed with skinny, skinny girls who wear a size zero, I probably wouldn't hate the way I look or feel like I'm overweight. As women, we grow up in society and are told how to look and how our body should be. We're told that we aren't pretty unless we're super skinny. I hate it. 


I'm tired of feeling like this. I want to be able to love my body and be confident. I used to workout everyday and I was finally to the point where I enjoyed working out. Slowly, I began to feel better about myself, but then things got busy and I stopped working out. Now I'm back to hating how I look and obsessing over my weight/looks on a daily basis. It's ALWAYS at the back of my mind; it's ALWAYS haunting me. 


I need to find a workout buddy and I hope I can talk my husband into it getting up earlier before work and working out with me everyday, because if I don't do it at the beginning of the day, I know I won't feel like doing it at the end of the day. Also, if I don't have anyone to work out with and hold me accountable, it is so much easier to slack off on working out. I also am thinking about keeping a food journal and keeping track of everything I eat. I've stopped buying junk food and started eating fruits and celery, things like that, for snacks.  I'm going to research other ways to build my confidence as well.


I'm determined to become a confident woman and not look at myself as overweight. I don't think I'll try to lose weight, but I'm going to try and maintain it and love the way it looks right now, because after all, I am at a healthy weight, considering my height and body build. Wish me luck! 


xoxo,
Megan